My Body Is A Machine That Turns Dicks Into Sucked Dicks Hat

Our product(s) are made when ordered. Due to the time variability of on-demand manufacturing, we offer 2 options for how quickly you want to receive your order. You can select from the following choices in checkout.

Production and Standard Delivery times

Please keep in mind that your package’s Estimated Arrival = Production time + Shipping time.

Production and Shipping time varies depending on what types of items you purchase and the delivery location. Kindly note that this is the estimated time frame only.

Standard Shipping ($5.95+)

• Orders using this option generally arrive 4-8 days (U.S. and EU orders) and it takes 2 weeks for International orders after being manufactured and shipped. (See notes below)
• Manufacturing times for this option vary more around busier times of the year or during extreme circumstances such as covid-19 shutdowns.
• International & EU Orders*: It may take additional days if orders have to go through customs. We have no influence on the customs process and our apologies for any inconvenience due to delivery delays resulting from this.

Shipping and expedited manufacturing ($14.95+) (U.S. Only)

• Orders using this option jump to the front of the manufacturing queue which can generally save a couple days (or more during busier times of the year).
• It's highly recommended to use this option if you are ordering for a specific event or holiday.
• Orders using this option generally arrive 2-3 days after being manufactured and shipped. (U.S. only)
• Orders using expedited manufacturing will be printed when the next batch of orders are processed which can vary depending on seasonality and other factors.

Please Note:

• We do not guarantee shipping or arrival dates.
• Manufacturing during the majority of the year takes between 3-5 business days (Mon-Fri) however can take more than a week during the heaviest shopping times of the year. Extreme circumstances such as covid-19 may delay order manufacturing and/or shipping by an additional week or more.
• All manufacturing and shipping times mentioned are just estimates and will vary.
• Some of our popular designs may be pre-printed and may ship out faster than less commonly ordered designs/style/color combinations.